wow i loved the poem.
i really liked how you did the little intro-thing, which his what i guess you could call it. it was great and set the point to the poem. this poem was very simple and described a scene, which is hard to do in poetry. but you handled to perfectly.
the ending = perfect. don't change a think.
i also like the image of the grease and the pizza - very real.
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140,581 Literary Works • 673,530 Reviews
The beginning stanza hooked me. Needless to say, it was wonderful.
The bulk of the poem was well written too. Loved the stabbing of eggs and greasy pizza imagery, to reiterate what other people have said. The final lines were very, well, final (for lack of a better word.) A very fitting way to close the poem.
Disliked this line:
I guess it fit with the tone, but it didn't say anything profound or important to me other than "this guy is kind of uncertain about feeling uncertain." If there is goingn to be a stand out line that isn't grouped with a stanza, I'd at least like it to say more.
Or I could be wrong.
Keep up the nice work.
Like the images a lot--I can identify with them. The casual style of the poem works, and yet I feel something more needs to be done with it. "I just stuttered / across meaninglessness"...I understand what you're trying to say, yet I think there are a thousand better ways to say it. "I kind of..." Casual...in one light I see it working with the poem, and yet in another I see it working against it. It portrays the laid-back, youthful aspect of the poem well, although I think "I pretended to be unphased" would be more concise and would make the narrator seem more aware.
Fun read, wonderful job.
I don't know if I liked the images. Maybe it was because they were so real and you were applying your feelings to a real situation; regardless, I seem to enjoy random abstract images instead and so this probably didn't connect with me as well as it could but that's a personal thing. The small pre-stanza thing was great, though. Meaningless is a bit full of syllables and kind of caught me in the rhythm but this was pretty much flawless in most other ways.